I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
