I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
