can we get nightvision for the apartment?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
