Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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