She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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