maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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