your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
