the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
