I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
