I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
