well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
