why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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