This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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