so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
