get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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