I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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