She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
