Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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