It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
