I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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