Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We are two peas in an std pod
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
