you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The best revenge is premature balding
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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