nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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