I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
