did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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