I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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