The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
