How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
