YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
