Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
