I hate all girls vehemently.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
