Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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