can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
