If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
