having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
