just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
should my penis look like a turkey
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
