Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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