We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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