Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
