Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
