She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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