Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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