If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
