that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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