i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
