Porn is love you can see.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
