i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
