is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
