I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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