Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
PANTIES FOUND
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
